you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
