your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What a dumb baby whore.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
