so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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