I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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