She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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