finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
