My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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