theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
