so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
