After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
