We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
