I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
