Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
