i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
