foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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