On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
