Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
