don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
