the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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