took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize