drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
