Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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