Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
