I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
