I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
