I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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