I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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