Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Randomize
