True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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