We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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