So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
