: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
