Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
