my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize