I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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