The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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