I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
