Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
