On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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