I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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