Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
