You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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