I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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