Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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