I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
zippers are such a cool invention
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
