i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
