youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
