Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
