and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
