well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
4 words: hood of his car
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
