I hate all girls vehemently.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
