A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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