We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
