sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
