The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
