He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
