he wants to bone in the snuggie
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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