i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
