like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
