woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
did i just pee glitter
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
