i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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