love makes seman taste better
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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