there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
