Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
