So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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