I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize