Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
