With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
