Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
